They say it's good to write out your feelings so here goes nothing.....
I am a 35 year old girl (yes, most days I feel 13 and not 35 almost 36!). I have the most amazing husband. But, our story hasn't ended yet. We are attempting our third IVF cyle. Our first cycle was in February following two surgeries for me in 2012. The cycle ended with us only having 1 mature, ferilized egg. Needless to say, we were devistated and the cycle ended with a failure. After we picked ourselves up, dusted off from the failure we tried to move on. In May, we decided it felt right again to try #2. This time, we had a lot more eggs (19 in total, 16 mature and fertilized)! We proceeded through all the steps and felt good about the cycle. It came time to take the big test and my beta/HcG test came back low, 12.8. A few days later it was 70.5 and continued to double and grow even though the numbers still weren't were they were supposed to be. Then came the 6 week ultrasound (June 29th) and there was nothing. For 6 weeks we felt hope and in one minute it was confirmed, another failed cycle. I had an ectopic pregnacy. We caught the ectopic early and choose to let the miscarrage happen naturally. I was watched and had weekly blood tests. By Septemeber 9th it was finally 3.5 and considered normal.
You can't put into words what it feels like to have your hope and dreams crushed over and over.
